Dwight k Schrute

Family

Wife, Angela. Cousin, Mose. Esther Bruegger, Ex-Girlfriend.

Summary of Qualifications

• Star salesman, beet farmer, bed & breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard, office building owner, and  former assistant [to the] regional manager
• Able to vanquish customer resistance through physically imposing alpha-male traits and insatiable, merciless, jackhammer-like techniques
• 13-time winner of Salesman of the Month award in 2005 and Salesman of the Year
• Leader and mentor of underlings
• Expert in martial arts weaponry, paintball, and pre-industrial German

Specialized Skills

• Resistance to germs, viruses, fungi, and most other health threats
• Ability to raise and lower own cholesterol at will
• Werewolf Hunting
• Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy (only on weekends)
• Purple belt in Goju-Ryu Karate and the senpai of my dojo
• Microsoft Excel
• Others too numerous to mention